Lover Dearest
by Kuri-san
Summary: Mature, yaoi, drug abuse metaphore.


**Lover Dearest.**

**Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. The song Lover Dearest is not mine. I also do not own any drugs. **

**WARNING:**** may contain traces of: Shounen-ai/yaoi, OOC, Ect.**

NOTE: THIS IS NOT SOLELY SMUT, If you just decided you should leave after reading that I am very disappointed in you and I hope you feel caught and ashamed. I put alot in to this and I would appreciate it if you would take the time to read it and maybe leave a little comment.

I'm writing this story slightly based off the meaning of the song Lover Dearest by Marianas Trench. About drug addiction. If you get the chance please listen to the song, it's very good. By no means is this a song fic. I just felt like writing something serious and metaphorical. The lead singer of my favorite band just happens to have struggled with many problems and has given me inspiration to write about it. How unfortunately fortunate.

"Talking"  
Naration

**Author(Me!)**

**LOVER DEAREST**

That night I sat up in bed, with you sleeping soundly beside me. Your snow-white skin glistening in the moonlight from the small window of the smaller bedroom in this shady, old appartment complex. I would have noticed the damp smell in the air, the dirty, peeling wallpaper, and the police sirens just down the street, arresting some one for a crime, like theft, trespassing or trafficing. I would have noticed all this if the dazzling lights and specks in my vision, the soothing buzzing in my ears and the general comfortable numbness you gave me each time, with out fail, wasn't there. I got up and pulled the blankets over your bare back with trembling hands. Why I then left the comfortable confines of the shabby room, I somehow managed to afford, remains a mystery to myself as well as everyone else. I shook, stepping in to the cool evening air. I sat for a while, on the cement box that flowers should be growing in but died because no one cared, and waited and watched. Women walked by quickly, nervously glancing from side to side, as they tried to make their way home safely. Men in hoods walked by in groups, talking amongst themselves, swearing and threatening to commit violent crimes against other gangs. If they passed a woman they'd stop her, but most of the time she'd be abale to get away, only the really pretty ones were taken. I think thats something you get used to seeing if you live in this sort of neighborhood I'm unfortunate enough to live in. I watched blankly, with out recognition, blending the real world with the one you create for me. I went wandering, stumbling through the streets, feeling with my head, or so I thought, letting your magic lead me, and didn't make it home untill day break.

The bright sun started rising as I painfully walked down the street of the appartment that we shared. I dragged myself 'home,' eyes burning, ears bleeding and a horrific tearing pain throughout my body. With dry eyes I saw you lying on our small bed, naked and looking unbelieveably tempting. You smiled coyly but there was an inviting look in your eyes. I'm sure you could see the hungry, needy one in mine. I sat next to you on the bed and you crawled over me, pushing me down softly. You gently slid your hands up my shirt, along my sides, with the tingling feeling only you could provide. You carefully slid off my shirt, your firm yet fail body pressed against mine. You placed your lips on the pulse in my neck then lightly dragged your tongue up then along my jaw untill our lips met. You started to pull away and I tried to force my self up with you but your thin translucent fingers held me down. I started to feel that awful tearing as your body moved from mine. My eyes squinted shut, trying to shut out this feeling, threatening to tear me apart. Then I felt your familiar coolness on my cheek, the softness of your dark, dark hair, that made your look almost sickly, yet somehow... exotic. I could hear your shallow breathing in my ear. Your graceful fingers traveled down my chest caressing every curve and muscle untill they touched the denim of my jeans. I opened my eyes to see you straddling my thighs, a mischevious gleam in your dark eyes and a small curve to your thin, pale pink lips. Your fingers worked slowly and methodically at undoing the button. I arched my back, trying to make you continue but you just shook your head slightly, your unkept hair swaying and looking better than mine. You carefully picked at the zipper and my anticipation was rising. I was right on the edge when something began screaming. It would scream for three seconds, pause for two, and then scream again, keeping this pattern. You looked blankly at me, a look the hurt almost as much as the searing pain that being with out you did.  
"IGNORE IT!" I tried to scream, by my voice was raw and cracking. You shook your head and frowned at me, my heart and body being torn to shreds by being with and without you. I struggled to my feet to pick up the screaming machine.  
"Hello?" I rasped, there was sobbing on the other end. I bit my lip, fighting off the urge to shriek in pain.  
"P-please, please come h-ho-home.. please.." A familliar female voice sobbed. I stayed silent, listening to her helpless crys. I looked over at you, lying on your back and playing with a piece of your hair, looking confident, knowing I would not be able to leave with out you. I inhaled sharply and in a barely audible voice I spoke,  
"Please don't phone anymore." I heard the woman on the other end gasp before I hung up. I felt exhauseted and weak but your sprakling skin lured me back to you. I laid back down and closed my eyes.I felt I could drift off to sleep as I was no longer being torn, it felt more like I was being sawllowed and devoured from my tears outwards. Your touch suddenly felt insignificant and the removal of my clothes had no effect on my dissappearing self. I was too tired to worry about why you weren't affecting me the way you usually did, I was too tired to open my eyes to see your worried and confused face. I started to think that maybe this was it, being with out you is like an eternal sleep. I wouldn't mind sleeping forever. Especially since this swallowing feeling is nothing compared to the tearing you make me feel. You've just been my short term solution and this is the final solution, right?

I started accepting this idea of just being alone, asleep, with eternity to wonder to myself. It didn't seem all that bad. That was just before I felt you familiar damp warmth around my member, shocking me back, making my heart race, the swallowing dissappear and the pieces of myself I had lost re-generate. I became stiff and was suddenly hyper sensative to your every touch, I could feel your legs between mine, your hands and lips on my shaft, touching in a way that you knew I'd convince myself I couldn't live with out.I could feel the smug smile you sported on my sensative skin. Feeling your warm mouth then cool fingers felt so diffrent from eachother, like jumping from a hot tub to a swimming pool but it was the only think I could feel, and wanrted to feel. My skin tingled and I felt like I was flying, like your were lifting me above the earth. I could feel you hair gently tickling me when your head went down to swallow me inside your warm cavern, then you'd raise up, trying to suck me up, but holding me down and the sudden air on my now wet skin made me shake violently. Then you'd preform something else, a lick, nibble, kiss or suck, maybe a stroke or rub, you controled me with the simplest of actions. I was always unable to move at this point, all I could do was breathe heavily as you had your way with me. Of course it wasn't like I hated it, it was the exact oposite, if it could go on forever I wouldn't mind at all. This was far better than dissappearing.

You'd decide when enough was enough and drape your naked body over mine, allowing my heart to calm down and my blood to settle. It was hard to relax when I knew the best part was yet to come, to feel you racing through me, this thought excited me but I tried to focus on the familair feel of your body, which I had studied like this countless times. You were firm and slender, strong and light. Your skin was soft and your muscles were defined. Your body was perfect, and it matched your actions. Your only imprefection was the way you made me need you. The way you made me feel so good and so bad wasn't fair. I felt I couldn't be with out you but i shouldn't be with you and couldn't always outweighed shouldn't. I guess you could tell a war was raging in my head, distracting me enough to not realize you moved. The next physical thing I noticed was that you had my legs wrapped around your waist. Your slicked, firm member was ready to penetrate me. I threw my head back biting down hard on my lip, cluthing the bed sheets desprately as you entered, torturously slow. Then out, just as slowly, then in, a bit faster now, continuing at a gradually increasing pace.  
"Ahh... Nnnn... Aaah... Nnnh..." I breathed in rymthn with your thrusts. I was shaking with colours in my eyes and a low buzzing started to join my ears, but you just kept going, like you knew I was enjoying it, which I was, and like you had done this many times before, which you had. You released inside of me and an electric shock jolted through my system, like I was restarted. The magic, colourful world returned the beautiful, melodic buzzing did to, and the sweet numbness made me feel invincible. I could still feel your rythmn, every time you entered you'd strike just the right spot to make the colours dance before my eyes. I released with your final thrust and relaxed with your smug smile on my lips. Your broke all our contact and laid down, away from me, looking beautifully broken and used. but that didn't strike me because I had you running inside of me.

This is how everyday was. Always putting myself first, hurting my family and friends and myself, but I didn't realize it, I couldn't realize it because you were always there to take the pain away, more so than any one could. Most people would not be able to understand my need and blindness, why I couldn't see past you. They'd never know the fatiguing battle I fought everyday but you knew and you understood because you created that battle. You were confident and competative and would never let yourself loose to anyone else. You would convince me that you were here solely for me. You would take care of me and make all the hurting stop but you'd never answer to why it had to hurt in the first place. Everyday I would wonder if this was just how life was, and everyone hurt like this and everyone had to find a way to make it stop before the darkness devoured them. You'd never deny or agree to my theroy. I was kept in a diffrent darkness than the one that would slowly swallow me but you were like my gaurdian angel, put on this earth solely to deliver my share of pain and relief. Thats what I thought and thats just how I lived everyday. Using you and breaking you down, never fearing that I could never find you, never wondering what else is out there for me. You were my life and thats just how you wanted it to be.

_**end.  
**_**There, I wanted to continue it and go further in to trying to get help and those struggles but I don't think I'm mature enough to write about that, I don't think I'm even mature enough to write about this. But I tried, and you never know unless you try. Please leave a comment. It can be about this story, it can be about me, it can be your own story, it can be completely unrelated to everything. I just like reading what you have to say. So it would be greatly appreciated.  
Anyways, thank you you much for reading.  
Arigatou,  
-Kuri.**


End file.
